2008 Woodie Awards
Coping with grief
Shannon Morgan
Issue date: 8/28/08 Section: Culture
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When what we’re experiencing is something traumatic – such as the death of a loved one, divorce, or fracture in our belief system – some are left not knowing what to feel.
Sometimes what we’re going through is so painful or infuriating, we’re unsure how to process it and are prone to denying our grief or suffering. Some don’t allow themselves to grieve, choosing instead to bottle feelings inside, only to have it negatively affect them for the rest of their lives. Some stagnate in their grief, unable to adjust or move past it.
When something traumatic occurs, it could take weeks for the effects to fully be felt by an individual. Each person processes traumatic experiences differently – the key is to seek help in understanding what you’re experiencing so that you can move through it in a healthy way, with the understanding what you’re feeling is normal.
Presented here are common possible reactions to loss and stressful events, along with suggestions for managing them, provided by BSU Counseling Services.
Stress Reactions:
Physical Reactions
Fatigue/exhaustion
Sleep disturbance
Under activity/over activity
Change in appetite
Digestive problems
Nightmares
Muscle tremors/twitches
Headaches
Startled reactions
Emotional Reactions:
Guilt
Feelings of helplessness
Emotional numbing
Overly sensitive
Fear/anxiety
Sense of hopelessness
Hyper-vigilance
Anger/irritability
Moodiness
Mental Reactions:
Difficulty concentrating
Difficulty solving problems
Flashbacks of the events
Difficulty making decisions
Memory disturbance
Preoccupation with the event
Lowered attention span
Violent fantasies
In addition to the above reactions you may experience a period of mild to moderate depression. Symptoms might include:
Poor appetite
Insomnia
Lethargy/low energy
Social withdrawal/isolation
Loss of sexual drive
Difficulty concentrating
Persistent sad mood
Sleep disturbance
Intrusive thoughts
COUNSELING SERVICES
If after several days, you find that you are still having difficulty adjusting to a traumatic event or recent loss, and/or are having difficulty dealing effectively with other parts of your life, don’t hesitate to contact Boise State Counseling Services for an appointment at 426-1601, or stop by anytime and you will be seen as soon as possible. They’re located in Taylor Hall, B103.
While services are primarily for students, Counseling Services is available to faculty and staff for personal support and consultation. Faculty and staff can also call the EAP Hotline at 1-877-427-2327.
What To Do:
According to BSU Counseling Services, these are normal reactions. Although inconvenient and sometimes painful, they are part of the normal recovery process. Though there is little anyone can do to make the uncomfortable feelings just go away, there are several things you can do to speed up the process.
Things to try:
1. For the first day or two make sure and exercise (in moderation) alternating with relaxation.
2. Structure your time. Keep busy and keep your life as normal as possible.
3. Don’t get down on yourself for having these reactions. After all, they are signs of your humanity.
4. Talk to people about your feelings, fears, and uncertainties.
5. Do not attempt to numb your emotional pain with drugs or alcohol.
6. Reach out to others and spend time with people you trust and cherish.
7. Give yourself permission to fall apart, feel rotten, or cry.
8. Keep a journal. Write your way through the process.
9. Pray, meditate, and appreciate the sanctity of life.
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